Fabi/Eff: Bill Whatchamacallit

     The sign was annoying. It said "Respected Elder Ghosts Only." Effie was far from respected, people thought she was annoying, and she definitely wasn't an "Elder Ghost." Even if she was technically a hundred and three, she hadn't been dead especially long, and she was probably a seven-year-old as far as dead people go. Seven on a Mage scale, i.e. next to nothing.

     The mustache appeared before she really thought about it, and so did the weird outfit. She supposed it was normal, though, for the late sixteenth/early seventeenth century. She knew that, probably! Why on Earth did Fabi have to quote the bard so 04013324 often? (Fabi, why are you censoring that? I wasn't even swearing! Stop being so 04012324 nice, it's not good for you!)

     "Hey, you, get away from the fence--BILL! Haven't seen you in a century!"

     Effie nodded. "Forsooth it hath been awhile. Nice to see thee again, Larry." (At least I assume that his name is Larry. Considering that his name tag says "Hello my name is Larry" it's probably a good enough guess.)

     Larry gave her a funny look. "Your quest-thing go okay, dude? You're acting a little...I don't know, déjà vu or something? Thought you were sticking with the new dark suit and sunglasses look."

     "Yeah...it's less trademark and the newer elder ghosts don't...disturb me as much. I had to don this attire, uh, as part of my quest.  I discovered a dark and dangerous secret along the way. I prithee, summon as many of the ghosts as thou canst and I'll explain. Forsooth, this secret, 'tis potentially the bane of our existence!" Eff finished with a flourish, cursing in her head at the simple fact that she did not know how to converse in Shakespearean whatchamacallit.

     Larry nodded. "You always were a dramatic one, Bill," he decided and strode off.

     Fabi drifted in and out of consciousness... She wasn't sure where Star and Ember and Liberty were, but she heard an anvil crash to the floor somewhere nearby, so they couldn't be far. What Eff had said...about Liberty being dead and Ember talking to a Midnight Princess... was it even true? Effie could lie convincingly, Fabi had seen it plenty of times. Besides that, she had no motive to keep helping Fabi even after she died. Warning her about Ember and Liberty, sure, that's revenge, but she'd said something next about making sure Fabi stayed alive. That was too far to just be revenge on Ember.

     Eff had made it clear when she'd first betrayed them that try weren't friends. But had that been Effie or Mevolent? It was impossible to tell. "Never trust anything a spy ever says," Effie had once told her while they were interrogating 'some random mass murderer,' "Not even me. In fact, I'm probably trying to mislead you with this advice, so don't pay any attention to it! Then again, I could be lying about that too....ugh, just use the Force, Luke!"

     Fabi was no Jedi, that was for certain.

     Effie continued on her way, towards the loophole in reality, then she saw Sinistra Firedrake walk into the meeting tent. Before she really knew what she was doing, she'd started toward the tent and was looking for a way to light it on fire.

     Liberty was still paralyzed and in danger, the only reason Fabi wasn't dead. Ember knelt over her sister, insulting Faeris and using her healing powers. Star seemed to be edging out of there, and Fabi didn't blame her. If there hadn't been so many unfortunate events, she, too, would have left Effie's house, and a long time ago. Especially while people she barely knew but reluctantly allied with fought each other instead

     Eff peeked in the door of the tent and saw...Sebastian Shaw. Okay then, no blowing up Anakin Skywalker, even if he was only Anakin in one scene of Return of the Jedi. Back to the original plan then. Find a loophole and then find Fabi.

     "You're dead," Fabi thought-spoke. "Still." 

     "Well...yes," Eff conceded, "But I'm still fighting and...stuff. The Midnight Princess thinks you're dead already. I did an illusion thing on that super-nice gal who stopped by to kill you all earlier. Not even a mom like hers will be getting her back out any time soon."

     Fabi gulped, or uh, mentally gulped. Obviously the person who'd sprayed the paralyzing potion on her was not friendly and working for Mevolent and all and Fabi wasn't sorry she was dead, but facing more punishment after death for something Fabi had apparently done? Fabi hated it when bad things happened to people, even not-so-nice people because of her. The criminals she'd managed to catch had all brought it upon themselves by committing the crimes in the first place, she had no regrets about that, and the few villains she'd managed to kill had also brought it upon themselves. Enemy had asked for death by attacking the lot of them, even if the kill had actually been by a random stranger, but punishment after death for something Fabi had done? (she didn't know what it was, exactly, but she was certain it had been her fault, it always was her fault) That was just too far for even the most despicable of people. Fabi didn't like where Eff was taking things.

A/N- Fine. I've deleted the previous author's note. It would be extremely hypocritical of me not to. Oh, look, cheese!